Beginning and End

I’ve been to the end of the earth
And stared at the eyes of nothingness
Within, I saw the beginning and end
One in the same
Where fear meets acceptance
Back again I come.

– me


Net Neutrality – why so serious

I’ve been a bit busy the past few days running around with catering jobs and family events, so I haven’t had much time to write.  However, I listen to NPR as often as I can while driving now, since I was reminded when I moved back to Chicago how much the radio sucks these days.  And today, I was driving from the University of Chicago to come across a segment on Net Neutrality.

My boyfriend and I have been talking about this recently too (more like him explaining to me the details I knew nothing about), and it seems to be a hot topic on various websites obviously, but not on the news.  Why is this not being reported on as much?  Why is it that this doesn’t seem to be serious enough to cause a stir in the media outside of Reddit?  I honestly didn’t hear about this until I saw it on Reddit.  So I’m just wondering why this lacks importance in this country?

Some people might ask about the concern behind these questions, and trust me, there is a lot of concern.  This is the INTERNET people.  A technology that allows for open information to become available to ANYONE.  I apologize for the caps, but I feel it’s necessary.  I understand there are a lot of people out there taking this very seriously, but c’mon world!  Is it really not a problem for people that a capitalistic system will be taking over the internet, therefore making it a competitive field?  It doesn’t bother people that we might have to pay extra to get the internet we want, however already have today for free?  The fact that we already have internet service providers to pay is absurd, but now there will be priority based bandwidth to haggle for as well?

This is bullshit.  So Listen, the internet is the last free frontier for people to share information and ideas.  It is a scary thought that it might be controlled and regulated by the powers that be.  Recognize and do something about it people!

Paleo Maple Banana Bread

This recipe is super easy, it actually kind of reminds me of that stupid infomercial at 3am for this book on “dump it” recipes.  If you’ve seen it, you’ll laugh.

I got it from my favorite Paleo recipe book so far, its amazing and the recipes come out delicious every time.  I’ve especially been interested in it since I’m one for comfort food.


Coming from Chicago, and from a pizza 24/7 eating family, I grew up on comfort food.  Unfortunately Paleo doesn’t always coincide with this lifestyle, so I found this book to be a great mediator of my two worlds.

A part of this world was my mom’s infamous banana bread.  I crave for it all the time.  Banana bread is a gift to man, but my mother’s banana bread is a gift for the gods.  And the thought of eating it and feeling sick afterwards bothers me, so I had to find some sort of alternative.  Here it is!  Although it will never be the same as my ma’s masterpiece, it’ll do.

…That means it’s really f*$%ing good.




1/2 cup coconut flour

1/2 cup tapioca flour

4 eggs

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 cup Butter, melted (you’ll use it to butter the pan too)

1/2 cup Maple Syrup

2 large Bananas (1 cup) – ripe and spotty, so they’re extra sweet

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2  teaspoon grated nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon grounded cloves

1/2 teaspoon powdered ginger




Okay I’m just going to write this right out of the book, and it’s their property, so ya know.

1.) Preheat oven to 325 degree Fahrenheit.  Lightly grease a 1.5 quart oven-safe loaf pan.

2.) In a large bowl, whisk together butter and maple syrup, then whisk in mashed banana and eggs.

3.) In another large bowl, whisk together coconut flour, tapioca flour, baking soda, and spices.

4.) Whisk the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients, and mis until thoroughly incorporated.  Pour the batter into the loaf pan.

5.) Bake until the edges are golden brown and the center of the cake is cooked through, about 50 minutes to 1 hour (I only needed 45 to 50 minutes).  Let the cake cool before removing from the pan.

And there ya go, man, enjoy!

Glamorized Jobs: the “Sexy Bartender”

coyote ugly

So I know I’ve explained earlier that I bartend, and have been doing it for about 3 years now (to some, I’m still an amateur, and I’m ok with that).  And based on my experience, although limited, I’ve seen the glamorization that comes with the job.  For some reason, bartenders are automatically really cool people.  The bartender handles alcohol, is knowledgeable about alcohol, and presents a welcoming personality for the crowd they are waiting on.  Along with all that, it is a customer service position, and it is usually a position filled by someone a bit more outgoing, experienced in life, and easily to talk to.  These are all traits that can obviously seem very attractive to the bar attendees.

However, I still find it very baffling that, regardless of the environment, the bartender comes off as far more alluring than that particular person would be if they were not tending bar.  And this could be alluring in a sexual manner, in a dangerous way, or just an exciting curiosity.  Nevertheless, the bartender is has suddenly elevated in a level of attraction.

I’ve bartended for bars, clubs, strip clubs, restaurants, and catering companies.  You can say I’ve been around a majority of different environments that bartenders would be present.  And, in every single situation, there was not a single shift that went by where I wasn’t talked to by someone with greater interest than is necessary.  This either led to a lengthy conversation about my background, an asking for my phone number, or a questioning of my relationship status.

Now…what leads people to do this?  I’m a moderately attractive woman, no Coyote Ugly chicka, but I have been hit on in random, daily situations on occasion.  But, this never happens nowhere near as often as while I’m working.  When I’m bartending, it’s as if suddenly I turned into Jennifer Lawrence and all eyes on me, when before I walked in the room unnoticed.

With all this, I guess it’s just being in a position of serving alcohol while trying to seem appealing to others.  All the while, working in a position that has been sexualized by media.  Look at receptionists, air stewards, housekeepers, and many others that have fallen in the same stereotype: a female in a position of service and willing to be taken advantage of.  (And, before I go further, I understand this pertains to men in the same situation, but I’m female, so that’s what I go with at first, sorry.)  This creates this allure of being open to anything and everything…at your service.

As much as I love bartending, and still enjoy most of the interactions I have with my customers and co-workers, this never-ending glamorization still bothers and confuses me.  It doesn’t help either that my cousin, a single, older male, wants to become a bartender to meet women, even though he’s had the same secure job for years.  Great, not like people do it for an actual living or anything.

From Bartender to Office Rep..what now?

It’s been exactly 1 year and 6 days since I walked across the stage and picked up my Bachelor’s Degree from AU.  It took me this long to finally land a full time job.  Not just any job, an adult job, with benefits and all.  I was bartending a wedding two nights ago and tried to imagine how I’d feel going to an office each day and sitting down for 8 hours.  Sitting is something I don’t usually do, especially while I make money, so this will be quite a challenge.

Also, I’m moving from Chicago to Denver by the end of next month, so if anyone has advice on that, let me know.

It seems scary to think that I’ll build a monotonous routine with this job eventually.  I mean, to be honest, it will be a struggle.  I’m used to moving around, talking to people, making jokes, making drinks, cleaning things, eating good food, and building and breaking things down.  How can I go from that to taking phone calls in an office?  It’s hard to imagine, but hey, I want to do it.  At least for now, I do.

I just hope that my forcing myself into this lifestyle of “young professional” doesn’t waste the young years in my life when I can be out exploring the world.  I don’t want to have to wait till I’m 65 to do that.  No one should.

So, in conclusion, I’m done ranting about being a young unemployed bartender, and will probably start eventually ranting about being the “young professional” I’m expected to be.  I’ve been wanting this for so long, but now that it’s here, it’s kind of terrifying.